More than a nuclear war, the Mayan calendar, or acidification of our oceans —an Apple fan turned Apple snob is, really, the demise of the world. Are you one? Let’s hope not.
1. Does an Apple bumper sticker adorn your car?
The backside of a car has been the designated space to make passive aggressive statements or outward proclamations since 1927 when the Ford Model A was introduced as the first vehicle to be built with a bumper. “Google Search: Bumper Sticker Wikipedia” also informs that bumper stickers first made their historic debut as flag-like stickers attached to bumpers by wires before World War II, as well as promotional “See Rock City” cardboard signs advertising the tourist spot Lookout Mountain, Tennessee.
Now that the history lesson is over, evaluate that Apple decal plastered to the backside of your car. Fellow drivers have to unwillingly acknowledge that you, along with 50 percent of the U.S. population, (proudly) own an Apple product.
Recovery Tip: Remove Apple sticker, along with your 26.2 and Greek letter stickers while you’re at it. Then restore your car’s integrity with with Goo Gone!
2. Have you camped out in front of an Apple store?
In 2013, die-hard Apple fans were photographed at a two-week campsite outside the Fifth Avenue Apple Store in New York City. A seemingly unemployed camper in a powder blue Under Armour polo and khakis embarked on a publicity quest to await the rumored September 20 release of the next generation iPhone. The event even unfolded on social media as fans took to Twitter to publicize their Apple experience.
9to5Mac shared how it got real, real fast, on Twitter that fall:
“Hey @9to5mac we are camped out waiting for the new iPhone. Retweet and spread the word to follow @SYMJustin and myself along our journey!” Jon Murphy (@SYM_Jon) September 6, 2013.
“Finally camped outside the apple store with @sym_jon now the real adventure begins pic.twitter.com/k7okbB7HKj” Justin (@SYMJustin) September 6, 2013.
Recovery Tip: Use the online pre-ordering option and get a job.
3. Are protective device cases for amateurs?
Apple products are lauded not only for slick functionality, but a stunning design. The iPhone 6 is built with technological perfection and feels like lightweight luxury in the palm of your hand. Any true Apple connoisseur realizes what shame it is to mask the beautiful design of an iPhone with a clunky plastic case. You believe in the expert craftsmanship and aesthetic elegance of the iOS.
Recovery Tip: If your Apple pride keeps you from protecting it with a massive Otterbox case, pick up an iphone 6 protection plan. You’ll be grateful you have it for when you crack the screen or drop it in the loo.
4. Is the green text bubble a dating dealbreaker?
You know who you are. You just broke into texting territory with your latest Tinder interest and now texts come through as green bubbles. Green text bubbles are an abomination, which means the quintessential Apple snob regrets not swiping left. But people who text green bubbles are human too. Beyond the green bubble text message could be a good heart, compassionate soul and intelligent mind.
Recovery Tip: Remember, there’s more to a person than the color of their bubble.
5. Do you see the world as “iPhone vs. Android”?
You’re either team iPhone or stupid. And if someone dares to be pro-Android, you might as well drive to a cliff and catapult yourself off of it. If the ongoing iPhone vs. Android debate is as big of a conflict in your life as House of Starks vs. House Lannister or Lindsay Lohan vs. Sobriety, you’re more than just an Apple snob. Apple shouldn’t bring out the worst in you. Be a happy Apple user! That’s what Steve Jobs would have wanted—a world of happy and open-minded Apple device fans and users who can peacefully coexist with fans and users of other brands.
Recovery Tip: Find peace and harmony by befriending an Android user to resolve your Android aggression.